On Desire

I’ve been away from ondesire.com for a couple of months, reconstructing my land based life and recovering from an NYC exit. Let’s return now to the Around Lake Michigan archives for further extraction and posting. I’m starting with a PSA exploring the ills of jet travel. ALM is a search for what’s useful, the artifacts of future sustainable civilizations. Rather than look at what is wrong and complain, ALM explores what might be right, what seems to work. Explaining why something works may require contrasting it with what doesn’t.

There’s a local effort underway to fund extensive jet travel, ostensibly for good works on the other side of the earth. Certainly the organizers mean well, but on the balance they’ll probably do way more harm than good. Having recently sailed hundreds of miles in an open catamaran, I’m in a unique position to comment, to offer some perspective on travel choices. Here’s a first draft of my narration.

Two years ago I was invited to sail around the islands of Hawaii and make a movie about sustainability. Getting to Hawaii usually means flying on a jet plane – and that’s a huge carbon footprint. Talking about the low impact lifestyle while having a big impact myself – that didn’t make sense. So I decided instead to stay home and make my movie right here, in Michigan. In fact, I decided to give up jet flight in general. This summer I visited my brother for a trip down the San Juan river in Utah, and it was Amtrak and cars the whole way.

Flying on jets is just about the biggest environmental impact we can have as Americans. Trying to do good deeds by flying to far away places is usually a contradiction. Do the ends justify the means?

I love to travel – adventure is my middle name. There’s so much to learn from other people and cultures. Maybe we can even help the folks we visit.

We don’t need to fly in jets to have adventures or be of service. Wondrous discoveries await within 200, 20 or 2 miles of our front door. There are plenty of people who need love and support in our own home towns.

If we want to help people in China or Africa, we can send checks to reputable organizations already there. If we want to make new friends on the other side of the earth, we can reach out through social networks, telephones and… wait for it… posted letters.

If we traveled around the world without taking a single jet, we would have a richer and more immediate experience, make more friends, have many more adventures and probably be a lot smarter after.

We are all responsible for each other, for our common survival. The choices we make determine what will happen to us and to our extended global family. Jet travel is not a responsible choice, it messes up the global life support system we all depend on.

live fully, go slow, power down

Getting close now. Order of operations seems to be holding together, it’s spooky that I’m mostly on schedule. Everything can go right between now and launch… it’s possible.

I am noticing more, recognizing the unfolding of a larger story. A lot of ideas to fit into a coherent movie… I guess I started this, mostly just made myself available and let the pieces fall into place. Is this what I want?

How it began… On location in 2006 shooting my first movie with a budget. For the next two years I spent most of my days free climbing the first movie learning curve. Daughter of God – http://dogthemovie.com. I kept the fridge full with freelance production work for NYC dancers.

In 2008 I spent yet another perfectly good summer sweating in a tiny apartment staring at screens. The DOG project has merit and is worth finishing, will be finished. Is anything worth giving up a whole summer of diving Crystal’s blue, of running barefoot in the forest, of waking up to waves lapping?

Here’s the deal… Daughter of God is set in a post apocalyptic world, it’s a post apocalyptic surreal romantic comedy, sinister in the sense that some humans still dream of asphalt plains resplendant with the snaking migrations of countless multi-colored cars. It’s over tho, human population has been devastated, industrial infrastructure deleted and nature is reclaiming the cities. Certainly there’s toxic aftermath, sure the survivors are traumatized, but they dress snappy!

Meanwhile, back in RL I’m listening to Democracy Now every morning on WBAI radio. Assembling a fictional apocalypse seems pretty pointless when an actual apocalypse is nigh – I can never match the Pentagon’s special fx budget, let alone Gaia herself.

I wondered… Is DOG the best use of my time right now? Wouldn’t I rather be swimming? How about that super hero correspondence course I just aced?

That’s the setup. In the autumn of 2008 Kai invited me to make a documentary about sailing in Hawaii and – of course – sustainability… Well? What would Jesus do?

That was earth momma’s little joke. Come summer 2009, Kai abandoned Desire and Pele for a motor sailor… and I noticed there was a 30 year old Hobie Cat in my driveway.

Is this what I want? To act as an agent of Earth disguised as a pirate filmmaker? Hours drifting wind free followed by contact improv with Shiva? Three months of wilderness occasionally interupted with regionally brewed stouts and porters? The making of a saint?

I say, Yes.

revised 10-05-31

1. √ x2 socks wool [Icebreaker]
2. √ x2 underwear poly/merino
3. √ x2 underwear cotton (1)
   
4. √ merino top [Icebreaker Bodyfit 260 XL]
5. √ x2 merino bottom [Icebreaker Bodyfit 260 L] (1)
6. √ black cargo pants
7. √ pile pullover
8. √ wind/rain shell [Patagonia]
9. ASK *** wind/rain pants [Patagonia]
10. √ pile baklava
11. √ wool gloves cut-off
12. √ shorts [Patagonia]
13. √ bandana
14. √ dress shirt
15. √ sailing and surf shoes [Vibram Five Fingers]
16. √ hiking boots [Blundstones]
17. √ sun hat
18. √ pack towel

Time for a list of lists, a preliminary inventory. With 19 days left, we’ve got to design the optimal sequence of actions. To avoid the carbon cost of airplane flight, new gear needs to be shipped ground which means ordering within the week. Gear requests should be started first so we’ve got to decide what we want and who we are going to ask by Monday.

One of the prerequisites for asking is an effective introduction to the project. This is where the mini-movie fits in and it’s several days behind schedule. We are just going to have to make requests based on written materials with references to the long running video excerpts. There are five components to our collaboration proposal – a good idea (√), a coherent and workable plan (√), established distribution channels eg Ondesire.com, Facebook and Twitter (√), a documented mob (growing) and an articulate introduction (pending). Having a non profit umbrella would also be helpful so that contributions would be tax deductible. Since I missed my NP liaison last month, I doubt I could set this up before June 1, so I may just have to skip that. Perhaps it’s worth a phone call.

Monica Evans asked about making cash donations to the project. The trip itself is not all that expensive because it’s designed to be replicable/low budget/low impact, but post-production after the trip could cost $30k for labor and services. Asking for money doesn’t have to happen before launch, but it wouldn’t hurt to identify prospects now. I could then schedule several days during the trip to make these requests.

The origins, an overview. I’ve written deeply about the inspiration and origins of the project. Along with completing and posting the mini-movie, linking to the most articulate of these posts is vital. Methinks it might be a good idea to link first (today) and the sort out the mini-movie immediately after.

We’ve can instantly develop a starting inventory by linking to last September’s checklists, and then replace them with updates. They will also be helpful in identifying gear collaborators.

Posting our itinerary will not only trigger suggestions from the tribe about where to go and who to see, but other potential collaborators.

Finally, Hello World needs glass and rigging repair. There’s about a week worth of labor plus curing time after each patch, so this has got to begin no later than day 14 on the countdown.

So – here’s the  order of operations draft…

19 days

• inventory/checklist rebuild 4/18

• introduction with links to inspiration and origins 4/18

• inventory revised with potential collaborators identified 4/18

• mini-movie 4/18+

18 – 16 days

• asks initiated 4/19 – 4/21 + mini-movie

• itinerary posted

17 -15 days

• ordering 4/22 – 4/23 + mini-movie

14 days

• Hello World repair 4/24+

12 – 10 days

• ordering and ask follow up 4/26-4/28

9 – 8 days

• provisions 4/29-4/30

• hulls complete and float test

7 days

• preliminary pack 5/1

• trailer and transport arranged

6 – 5 days

• final orders and provisions 5/2-5/3

4 – 2 days

• complete Hello World repairs and adjustments 5/4-5/6

1 days

• final pack 5/7

0 days

• trailer to E beach, launch party, overnight 5/8

ALM 1

• launch 5/9

Here are the general questions which helped me to develop this post.

Who can help, what companies are already involved?

What companies could be involved?

What’s the itinerary so far?

What does Hello World need to be water ready?

What provisions and consumables are needed?

44 days until the scheduled launch. In 3 weeks I’ll look back wistfully and think, “I remember back when there was plenty of time.”

The logistics of sailing and camping for three months are significant. There’s the boat itself which includes spare parts and repair supplies. For those who haven’t sailed, know that it takes lots of rope, pulleys and metal doodads.

Navigation is handled mostly on the iPhone with compass and chart applications, but I’ll carry actual compasses for backup. There’s also safety equipment required by the Coast Guard like flares and lights.

Food and shelter is handled with a wilderness camping kit – backpacking tent, sleeping bags, tiny stove, pots etc. Don’t forget the CNA or Composting Nitrogen Accumulator, aka Poopomatic TM.

On top of getting around and maintaining life, remember we’re making a movie here. That means at least one camera, cables, tripod, microphones, hard drive, laptop, batteries and solar panels for charging it all.

All this stuff has to weigh less than 250 lbs and be sealed in dry bags. There’s no cabin on Hello World.

Boats, islands, spaceships and planets are related – they have finite carrying capacity, specific conditions (gear) are required for life and long term survival requires attention and careful planning. Around Lake Michigan explores this idea, it is the project’s inherent artifact.

How do we realize sustainable civilizations? We find artifacts and figure out what they imply.

introduction for character Dan Kelly (time traveler)

Yes, another movie about how much trouble we are in. It’s also about how we got out of the trouble. If you remember the future as I do, you’ll know that we almost didn’t make it. Did I mention that I am a time traveler? Actually time refugee is a slicker fit.

Anyway, we almost didn’t make it. Looking back from the future, it’s much easier to see just how precarious the present is, but of course it’s not so obvious if the now is all you’ve ever known.  At the risk of sounding optimistic, I think the human race learned a valuable lesson by going through this, so in the after-future we won’t likely make the same mistakes we made in the pre-present.

To simplify the tenses, I’ll just refer to the present as the past. So how did we do it? We found our survival by looking for it. Folks just got bored with killing themselves and decided to try to find a little life. Some walked, some rode bicycles, some let the wind blow them hither and yon. They were like backwards archeologists – instead of searching for past civilizations, they went searching for future ones. The theory goes like this – since we decided to survive – then we would. That implied there was a way to survive, and probably the seeds of that way were scattered all over the place, just waiting to sprout. If folks found those seeds, then they could extrapolate what the seeds might grow into. Viola, the future. That’s how time travel works, btw or at least did work back in the day… that is, right now.

Let’s relive your ‘about to be’, discover what has almost happened and reenact a search that so many have yet to make. A sailboat I think and an inland ocean. I will be your guide of how we survived, how we didn’t cook the planet nor allow ignorance and greed to prevail – as it so ominously threatens to do so AT THIS VERY MOMENT, again, even though that may not be totally obvious. I am catching you at your most receptive, cause when the shit starts to hit the fan, there won’t be time to watch documentaries, you’ll be too busy building dikes and fending off looters. So sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

Just activated WordPress for the iPhone, and that’s where I’m posting from. Who needs Twitter?

A set back today in the reassembly of Hello World. I bunged the starter threads on both sides of the dolphin striker, so I’ve got to fix ‘em before I can rivet the mast step and raise the mast. I’ve tried grinding off a bit of each end and bought fresh nuts to reestablish the threads, but no dice. My plan is to find a small concave grinding stone tomorrow and round off the ends of the striker so they’ll be more likely to accept nuts. If that doesn’t work i’ll have to find a set of Murray’s thread chasers and pull the whole striker apart. Another busy day ahead.

Patrick and Luke just stopped by with cake.

Look Ma, pictures! A very handy little blogging utility, the iPhone.

Dan here! Those of you reading On Desire so far may be annoyed with my quirky and often obtuse writing style. With the delivery of the Macbook Pro two days ago, Kai is in the process of coming online and catching up with his posts. I’d love to find a competent and courageous editor to svelte up our ramblings. In the meantime it is with great humility and not a little trepidation that I attempt to edit my colleague’s writing. This could mean the end of the entire project…

The editing process provides insights about blog protocols and standards that we can all apply. Steeped in usability issues during my days as an interface designer, I try to take a reader friendly approach to writing.

After grappling with Kai’s first page for an hour or two, I retired to the bathtub to re-read the first 15 pages of Strunk and White’s Elements of Style. I think I’m finally savvy enough to get the E of S message. Whether I actually apply it’s directives only time will tell. To all On Desire bloggers – make life easy for the reader – apply Elements of Style!

An aside – I think my fondness for code and working with complex software like Final Cut Pro and After Effects has set me up. Language is an artistic encryption. Crafting language is problem solving – how to make an idea clear and concise, how to provide the reader with an efficient workflow. Last night I re-enacted Archimedes by fusing hot water, a geeky past, Elements of Style, and, of course, a bathtub. Eureka! I’m ready to write better.

Here’s my comments for Kai…

I put some serious effort into editing because blog pages are more permanent than posts and therefor more frequently visited. I think it’s worth the effort because our ability to communicate clearly will have a big impact on our ability to 1) share subtle insights 2) attract collaborators and 3) achieve worthy outcomes for the planet.

Some sentences were trying to say too much and some i couldn’t decipher – those are in bold. I’ve attempted to simplify the sentences while keeping the jist. I’ve added a little introductory material so that folks get context. I’ve broken up unrelated ideas into separate sentences.

One question to ask is what are you trying to get across? Why write at all? It’s not just a list of what happened, it’s your humor, philosophy and approach to life that should come through. What you choose to write about says a lot about you. Your pride in your skills reads well, don’t be afraid to give geeky details if there’s a story to tell. Remember the African Queen, not such a great movie except when the details show up – forging a propeller on the beach, leeches in the swamps, homemade torpedos, the character’s development …

Here are some standards we can use through the blog.

Our main characters should be named in full when first introduced – my filmmaker friend Dan Kelly, then say Dan after that. First names are fine for minor characters, but they might still need some intro. You know who your cast is but our readers don’t. Why are they important to the story? Give us some context. Using full names also increases the value of this narrative to the world at large because it can be productively tagged.

We don’t need to put ships names in quotes if we capitalize them -  Torea instead of ‘Torea’, Desire instead of ‘Desire’.

Try and maintain a specific timeline. It’s too much work for the reader to try and figure out your history when the narrative jumps from now to 4 months later, then there’s a flashback to last year, then a few more days pass. Just insert the month and year, (no abbreviations).

After my sex change operation in April of 2006, I enjoyed a few months of acclaim working as a trans stripper. I was reminded of my first exposure to Queen in 1981, and how I dreamed of channeling Freddie Mercury, even though he was still alive then. By the fall of 2006, I felt a little discontented and began investigating how to shift my bio identity beyond human limits, perhaps to a lichen hybrid. I had always liked lichen and often played at being lichen as a wee lad, crouching low on a rock and not moving for hours or even days at a time. It was great to be 6 years old in 1969.

I took out pictures because something buggy was going on. We can put them back once the text is right.

As reported a few weeks back, Kai’s got problems with Desire. It’s been sitting for so long unattended that there’s no way he can get it ready in time to return to Seattle ahead of big weather in September. After a weekend of soul searching, he decided to keep Desire dry and prepare her for an eventual sale.

There are other boats we can borrow and hitch rides on, but that’s different from having our own boat on our own schedule. Combined with my inability to find boat transport to Hawaii, we are facing a radical redesign of On Desire. We don’t have a reliable boat in Hawaii nor am I even in Hawaii. Even if I could get there, summer is about half over.

Why not fly? It’s not about the money – jet service from LA to Honolulu is around $100, I could do a round trip from Michigan to Hawaii for less the $400 and be there in a few days. Al Gore gave himself a free pass to make Inconvenient Truth, but how much Co2 did he loft in to the atmosphere jetting hither and yon? I have to take responsibility for my own impact, whatever my good intentions happen to be. It’s about kicking my terrorist/consumer addiction, even if it means passing up on a groovy summer in Hawaii.

How can Kai and I discuss sustainability without shared geography? How can we leverage our complimentary powers if we can’t combine them in physical space? That’s exactly what we are going to figure out in the next 2 weeks, right here. The wind turbine slices the sky in blogdom – and you’re invited.

I’m sending out screeners for ‘Almonds’ to film festivals this morning. You can watch the trailer here…

http://almondsmovie.com

The press package is also available as a pdf – the project’s back story. After reviewing the press package and checking in with Kai last night, I had another consumption insight.

Kai is still wrangling with the fuel system on the borrowed truck – it’s a big honking gas guzzler. “Here I am driving this monster truck trying to get ready for a project about small footprints.” He confessed to having some parts shipped Fedex – big jets blasting carbon across the sky so we can have our tiny whatzits. Me too – I left my backpack at Mike and Sarah’s house in Arizona and there’s the tent that Melanie torture tested and didn’t return until after I had left Brooklyn. Should I buy a new tent and backpack or have the old ones shipped? It’s tough to get away from consumption even when you really, really want to.

So another theme emerges – kicking the habit is not a cakewalk. Taking a page from AA, “Hi, my name is Dan and I am an addict.” The habit of consumption might be tougher to kick than booze or cigs, because consumption is everywhere, it’s insidious. So perhaps a smile and some slack as we make the transition from consumption to production. Compassion AND persistence are the winning combination.

I spent $50 today on 1 loaf of bread, 1 small bag cat food, 1 medium bag of carrots, 1 container of hummus, 1 small watermelon. Man, do I miss the Park Slope Food Coop, shopping in a standard grocery is hell. Not much choice and super expensive. So simplifying my food supply is a must not only to back away from consumption but also cause there’s no way to sustain life when it costs so much to eat. I’m glad I restocked the grain cache for months of happy sprouting.

Bringing it full circle…When folks get a consumption fix, they enable a global chain of causality – abundant raw materials, environmental injury, cheap labor, political repression, inexpensive goods, corporate hegemony, global transportation, sprawl. It’s all caused by an unhealthy habit. By embracing the products and services offered to us, we become the agents of cataclysm. Consumers are terrorists.

I have to work at my recovery every day, and count the days I’ve been free. Hello, my name is Dan Kelly, I am a consumer and a terrorist. Recovery is possible, we must train our inner terrorist.

I laze. It’s spring at the artist house, lovely. One might conjecture a very slow tourist season hereabouts, what with the end of capitalism and all. Sigh! What a time to be thousands of miles away. A cat eating mackerel in the late afternoon glow.  A silver lake sparkling. Shrug aside the to do list and the clamoring social appointments. Recline in the rocking chair with a laptop to tap on. Bliss. I turned down a tribal sauna for this moment, so you know it’s pretty special.

Life as a practice, cultivating moments of utter rapture while living in agreement with earth. This is both my lifestyle and quest. It’s the basis for creating without instrumentality and for healing. It’s sweet.

I’ve got a friend who denies that anyone can live in agreement with earth. According to her/him, all the people who might have been capable of living in agreement were wiped out by us, the modern people. Any attempt at balance is futile for we ourselves are out of balance and totally crazed. It’s the old ‘people are a planetary cancer’ schtick. She/he’s not a bad sort, just murky. Some smart people don’t know how to settle the silt – always making with the spoon, stirring up their guts.

If I am addicted to anger, I might get a fix by ranting against the hypocrisy of green tinted consumption. If I’m addicted to disconnection, I might declare myself to be lone member of an elite environmental vanguard, ready and willing to slam everyone who doesn’t conform to my ideas. Righteous arrogance doesn’t promote stewardship any better than sleeping in front of a TV does. It drains away alliances. It makes folks sick. It’s boring.

Hard truths rock, don’t get me wrong. I want to reveal my insidious assumptions, identify the buggy lines of code. What am I ignoring? I appreciate uncomfortable insight from cantankerous curmudgeons. To awaken the world, we must unbundle the personal horror show.

I used to think that anger was a response to forces and events outside myself, but I’ve discovered that anger is always my responsibility. This recognition transmutes rage into productive energy and eventually anger becomes less prominent in the palette of emotions. Although my friend can be a pain in the ass, I know about her/his struggle. I don’t expect her/his journey to parallel mine, I just imagine her/him finding the center someday, cutting herself/himself some slack. Perhaps she/he feels that humans are incapable of balance because that’s her/his personal experience. It doesn’t have to be so forever.

Ah, to be less of an informer and more of a demonstrator. I want to demonstrate pragmatic practice for getting us all where we want to go – environmental sustainability, social justice and, (taking a cue from the Pachamama Alliance), spiritual fulfillment.

Anyway it’s time to make dinner and revisist the to do list. 10 more days before I am late for the boat!

Here a silver gray and green morning with rain lightly tapping on spring leaves, copper roof and stone.  Location – Artist house, Beulah, Michigan, USA, Earth. It’s exceptional and a little hard to believe. I drove 18 hours in a Penske box truck loaded with Brooklyn life, crashed, unpacked and returned the rig and then spent a day with the Bear Lake family. Now quiet and comfortable in a rocking chair, looking out at the lake – a perfect moment. In a week or so I’ll be on the road, lugging a light production kit across continents and oceans. Come along, we are to adventure together.

I’ve got a hefty to do list yet to process, make no mistake.  Yet I feel the pace changing with the start of Desire. I am at the way station between what I was and what I am about to be, shifting into travel time. Cultivating presence. Everything is adequate, enough.

Babalu, the Deduytsches and Kai have reached Atuana, Hiva Oa. Land ho! He should be online in about 3 weeks.

Register on this blog and contribute, we’d love that!

I’m interested in scuba and free diving. Scuba requires equipment and training, free is mostly training.  My recently re-discovered friend Jason has gotten me re-excited about free diving.

scuba

refresher course
regulator
fins
wetsuit
booties
fins
mask
snorkel
tank (in hawaii)
harness

free
suit

(changed from a page to a post on May 28, 2009)

There’s so much to do I want to post a regular progress report as a tool to amp up momentum. There’s a point of no return that needs to be reached ASAP which includes selling the car and subletting the apartment.

I’ve posted the lights and hard drives on craigs and called insurance for the van’s body work. Lot’s of little parking dings to deal with at the shop on Monday – we’ll see what insurance covers.

Tonight I’m going down to vacuum and prep the inside of the van. Tomorrow I’ll take pictures of the rest of the gear and get it posted.