On Desire

So here I am again, in my well appointed fiberglass barnacle on the edge of paradise behind a chain link fence, only this time no dogs parole the perimeter. Instead of smelling cordite and consumed jet fuel I’ve got whiffs of paint, diesel, vog (volcanic smog) and the occasional sun baked stinky fish dumpster next to the boat ramp wafting to my land bound boat. I’m entrenched here, stuck in barnacle mode, only coming out of my 26 foot shell to feed, crap and occasionally wash.

Captain Zardoz with no sign of angles in the LZ. My ethos is overwhelming my sensibilities. I live by my dreams but have learned to dream within my means and I’ve always made it work out for me (with occasional help from friends and strangers). It’s just a matter of humping it through the rough times to the next shiny valley or coastline beyond this swamp. I’m getting too old for this shit. I’d rather just stay in blissful barnacle mode but I can’t sustain that for more than a few weeks at a time. I have to deal with the other side of my nature which in fluid and transitional. Vagabond, hobo on life’s coat tails or at the helm. I need to move forward in some direction. Any sensible direction. It’s just a matter of packing lightly, picking a direction and not annoying the other passengers (while navigating around the ones that annoy you).

Like I’ve said, I’ve been here before and have gotten through it to the next plateau of my existence. Bernard Motisie understood the fallacy of focusing on a fixed destination. He understood the magic and uniqueness of the moment. The Zen of being involved with the sea and life in general. Honing your craft and your spirit to meet life on it’s own terms in what ever manner it comes to you.

I don’t think Dan’s coming to Hawaii. It seems, for ideological reasons as he won’t fly in a jet due to it’s carbon footprint. I can respect his convictions though I don’t fully adopt them as my own. He’s been trying to hitch a ride on a boat headed this way for the past couple of months. The container lines haven’t returned his call and TransPac left yesterday. My own window for sailing Desire safely back to Seattle  is closing rapidly. Dan’s bought a Hobie Cat and plans on filming while sailing around Lake Michigan this summer.

I asked John to come out to Hawaii to do some of the filming I had planned to do with Dan but it seems like more of a wank-fest at this point that anything. The On Desire project that Dan and I had been whittling, honing and distilling for the last half year or so hasn’t so much been about documenting my own exploits on the water as much as using Desire as a vehicle to get a bigger message out into the world. Namely, using the Hawaii Island chain as a metaphor to explore the questions surrounding sustainability of the planet, humanity and our collective culture as a whole.

So where does this half filled balloon of an idea leave me? Desire’s blue water integrity has been seriously compromised by the elements and by my neglect of her over the past few years. She can still be a viable boat for inter-island travel. This is the minimal state that I would need get her in to do our On Desire project.

But I am having serious doubts about her long distance capabilities. While her rigging and hull appear to be sound, her electrical and mechanical systems are in question. To get her to a state where I would trust her with my life to transverse the 3,000 mile sailing route between Kona and Seattle I would basically have to gut her internal systems and start from scratch.

I have neither the time nor resources to accomplish what is really needed. If I was bull headed enough (and some say I am) I could get her off this rock and pointed towards the Pacific Northwest with little more than sweat and a minimal amount of blood and tears. My biggest concerns are not really with Desire at all. My concerns are with my own ability to spend 35-40 days by myself in a 26 foot leaky boat.

Then there are my concerns about large moving objects. In my previous journeys I was pretty much paralleling and safely trying to offset the tracks of shipping routes. Still, with all possible diligence I nearly got run over twice by ships and once by a fishing vessel not to mention nearly T-boning a 900 foot Korean container ship, dead in the water with no signs of life 80 miles off of San Francisco. Whenever I needed to cross a shipping route I crossed it at a 90 degree angle for 5-10 miles and then continued on my course.  On the track I need to travel the 3,000 mile sailing route between Kona and Seattle I will be crossing the paths of ships going to Los Angeles, San Francisco, Portland and Seattle. Kind of like an armadillo crossing the interstate.

I don’t ever really have nightmares. It’s the lucid reality based wake-mares that concern me. Even with my radar, marine radar detection system, radios, lights, reflectors, all of my safety and survival gear and well honed nautical senses it’s a crap shoot at best. Ninety percent of what I need to rely on when I have to sleep are my electronics. Even if I outfit ‘Desire’ with the latest AIS system (a localized ship transponder identification system) I have to rely on Desire’s solar panels, wind generator, engine, batteries and switching system to produce, store and channel the power I need to keep her nervous system and senses alive.

In short I feel that Desire has become a very well mannered and distinguished old lady, who shouldn’t (for mercy’s sake) stray too far from the porch without major surgery.

So the working plan now is to salvage what I need from her, box that up and ship it by slow boat to Seattle. Spruce her up as best I can and put her on the market, reestablish some sort of career in Seattle and plan on the next chapter of my life, most likely involving some sort of water born activity.

Watch Gretchen Eichberger at Shop and Save

Here’s another chapter of On Desire in collaboration with Gretchen Eichberger and the Northwest Michigan Folklife Center. Camera ops are Patrick and Yo. Enjoy!

The first wave of Transpac 2009 starts without me tomorrow. Jets are only $100 from LA to Honolulu – not an option. So how am I getting to Hawaii?

I spoke to the San Francisco office of Greenpeace and passed them my information. I also tweeted what I believe to be the GP national office in Washington DC. I’ll follow up on Monday.

On the suggestion of my brother Mike I called Don Seth,  an alumni of the United States Merchant Marine Academy at Kings Point. He gave me Lisa’s number at the Academy and she said that it’s hard to get civilians on government boats after 911, but that she would try and find contact info for her environmental liason. Don also suggested I survey the harbor masters for news of boats headed to Hawaii, which I’ve started.

There are no cruise ships going to Hawaii until September. That’s kind of a relief actually. Shuffleboard gives me the willies.

I’ll be reposting to all the Cruiser communities on Monday. Findacrew has been sending me updates, but so far the closest they’ve come is a research boat returning to California from Hawaii in late August. That could have worked for the ride back, but my posted profile did not scintillate the ship’s skipper.

It’s time to talk to the container ship companies. This is my first preference and so I’ve taken a little more time getting ready to make the calls. As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, container ships are a major enabling component of the Hawaiian economy and consumer culture in general. Documenting a container ship’s passage to the islands would be a fantastic starting segment for On Desire.

I have about 6 more days for my ship to come in. Passage can take from 7-30 days and it’s already almost July. So we are right down to the wire. Whoo hoo!

In other news, I’ve been working with the Bear Lake fellowship to get their movie business up and running. The entire team was out in the field yesterday to document a local band. Then Gretchen Eichberger, Patrick and I shot a fantastic segment in the Shop and Save for the Northwest Michigan Folklife Center and On Desire. We may try another pass today.

Patrick and I bought a 16′ Hobie cat with trailer for $400 from Benzonia potters Alan and Suzie Vigland. A serious platform for adventure! Stone monger Mike Murphy and I are picking it up today.

Here’s to magic and flowing with the cosmic plan.

Fantastic news – Apple Inc. is willing to support On Desire with an additional Macbook! Kai, Dan and the extended On Desire tribe enthusiastically welcome our latest collaborator. What with Final Cut Pro Studio, an iPhone and a gaggle of Mac Books, Desire will be a well Apple-ed boat. Maybe Steve will even join us in a month or two!

In other news, Dan continues his effort to hitch a ride with Transpac 2009. Returning from board meetings of the Elberta Prelude and Benzie Folk Life Institute early this morning, an email from Woodson Woods of the Lynx Educational Foundation removed the topsail schooner Privateer Lynx as an option – they’ve cut a deal with another production company. Shucks!

Options are getting a bit thin and time is running out – just like in a Hollywood movie! Dan here – it’s all good. My joy is in making last minute magic. Don’t Panic!

Thanks again to the folks at Apple Inc. and welcome aboard!

Apple is a trademark of Apple Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries.

8:50 AM 8/3/06

For me, the ocean is a place that keeps me riveted to the reality of the moment. A place which is always changing and one that keeps me focused and alive in so many sublime ways. I feel comfortable there. I am always learning new things and honing the art and craft of crossing large amounts of water. Dwelling on land as need be, building, fixing, preparing, before heading out to sea again.

12:25 PM 6/20/09 hst – Kona dry dock (again)

I wrote the above three years ago and here I am back in the same relative place again. Desire is a shambles bordering on a disaster. The three years of dry heat, volcanic sand storms, intense UV, salt, ozone, acid rain from the volcano and, (don’t forget) the bees, have not been kind to her. Rubber is melting, turning to tar. The other day I picked up a graduated plastic cup that I use to mix paint and epoxy. It shattered in my hand like glass.

The bilges were full of rain water and diesel: rain water from all of the leaky deck fittings and diesel from a fuel hose somewhere between the engine and fuel tank. The whole outside of the boat is coated with a chalky white UV ray oxidation of the paints and fiberglass, metal corrosion from the salt and acid rain and a fine black grit everywhere from the volcanic soil blowing around.

The Marina staff set Desire down in the work yard. After wiping the tar off of my hands from the bike lock jacket that holds Desire’s main hatch closed, I dig through her main cabin like an archeologist returning to a long lost site. I take a pick-up load of sails, boxes and assorted boat equipment to a rented storage locker while I sort through the rest of the boat. For two days I wash and scrub the dirt and oxidation off of the hull and topsides and pile tools, deck equipment and near term parts/projects next to the boat.

Desire in storage yard.

The bilges keep filling with diesel tinged water every time I wash the boat. It’s refit triage – doing the best I can to get things sorted and organized.

Meanwhile, the truck I borrowed from Steve starts having problems at speeds over 30 mph. Seems like a fuel thing so I swap out the fuel pump and filter. No change. I take it to a shop and they want $550 to change the plugs, wire, distributor cap and rotor. Steve buys the parts for $80 and we install all the new parts the shop suggested. No change. Steve suggests we call a tow truck that he knows and take it down to his mechanic in Kealeakua. The tow truck shows up and it’s too small to haul a herking Ford F-150 long bed. A second truck shows up a couple of hours later and the truck is gone.

Desire and BF2 (big frig'n ford)

Sans transport, I do what I can with the boat. More bad news – the entire battery system is essentially fucked. I can’t get any of the radios to power up even with the charger on full blast. I need to replace all 5 batteries in the 3 separate banks I have set up on ‘Desire’. At this rate she’s sinking faster than I can bail her out. Thank the powers that be that she’s sitting solidly on her keels on a relatively stable concrete pad here in the Kona boat yard.

Dan calls to tell me he may have a ride on a big boat called the ‘Lynx’ in the upcoming Trans-Pac race. That’ll be at least mid-July before he gets here. But then I’m not going anywhere fast with ‘Desire’ and the later I leave Hawaii for the mainland, the faster my passage will be. As long as I get to Seattle before the snow and ice, I should be all right.

So here I am, again. Stuck on a semi-deserted island, my boat a shambles and miles to go before I sleep. I have to get ‘Desire’ wet again – even if I can just get her out of the harbor and she sinks. In that scenario I could raise her to the surface with my non-patented emergency flotation system (assuming I can get THAT operational), drag her up the mountain, set her keels on a winds swept lava flow and convert her into a nice, nautically themed cabin. I’ve already draw sketches of her with an added cockpit sleeping loft and the v-berth virtual office array.

While getting her back to her former glory should be my primary focus I don’t think that’s practical right now. With bull headed determination I know that I can get her floating and functional again. After that I could do what it takes to take her get her blue water capable again.

Maybe I’m inspired by my days in Brooklyn and what I accomplished there. Today Dan and I reminisced about the time I took him and my brother Dirk bridge climbing. We summitted my favorite, the Manhattan Bridge, via the east tower route.

The Manhattan Bridge has a series of huge suspension cables draped between 4 sphere topped towers. These ornamental spheres are approximately 6-7 feet in diameter and although the appear solid from the ground are actually made up of cast iron verticle slats. Furthermore, each of these globes sit on a short pedestal that has an entry hatch underneath. Besides the ocean, these balls are one of the most dramatic spots I have ever been in.

All three of us squirmed through the hatch into the interior of the globe. Leaning back against the curving slats, we enjoyed a 360 panorama of Manhattan, Brooklyn and Queens. To the east and west, the massive suspension cables curve down to the road surface far below. Gazing through the slats, it looks like we are about to roll down the track of a massive pinball roller coaster – like in modern art museums and fashionable bus terminals. Being inside a globe perched on a pedestal 400+ feet above the east river, there’s a simultaneous impression of being inside giant golf ball on a tee. At any moment a cosmic golf club could swing out of the heavens and whack us across Manhattan and the Hudson River into the back woods of Jersey.

You are truly on top of the world.

Ultimately it comes down to the two most fundamental questions of human nature. How did I get here and where am I going?

Yesterday was momentous. Thanks to advice from Christin Shacat I researched the Division 1 and 2 Transpac skippers. I also blasted Apple execs with an inspiring email, strategized with Kai for an hour and implemented Twitter. What’s it all about? Collaboration.

Why collaboration is good…

Certainly our current resources are adequate to make ‘On Desire’. We are blessed with two intelligent, attractive and articulate visionaries – an experienced solo sailer and an almost acclaimed filmmaker. We’ve got a sturdy boat soon to be equipped and supplied for the long haul, a mobile HD production and post-production kit and a modest but adequate operating budget. We’ve also blessed with a vibrant network of excellent friends and family. If all we did was document our discussions and discoveries for a month or two in the 8 seas we’d have a pretty compelling project.

Based on lessons learned from posting DOG, doing it alone is not ideal. To really amp up the fun, we’ve got to add holes! Holes are where the collaborators go.

For example, because Jeff Gibbs has infected me with his no jetting meme, I’ve got to find a boat to Hawaii. That’s not a problem, that’s a hole. Holes create space for collaborators. Finding collaborators for the boat hole has expanded On Desire’s scope. What sorts of boats travel to Hawaii? Container ships and racing sail boats.

Container ships are integral to global trade. What would sustainable global trade look like? Do shipping companies like Matson or Horizon Lines have a vision for sustainable operations? Matson’s parent company, Alexander and Baldwin, Inc. advocates sustainable practice when describing it’s agribusiness, power generation and real estate operations in Hawaii. Reaching out to these companies has become much more than finding a ride, they could become key collaborators in the project.

The Transpac 2009 is starting at the end of June. A fleet of racing yachts will sail from California to Oahu over the course of a couple of weeks. Many of these boats integrate sophisticated design and exotic synthetic materials. They are often skippered by uber successful entrepreneurs in science and business. Since this community is so savvy about harvesting solar power (wind), it’s easy to imagine them contributing mightily to a sustainable future.

Of course, even sailboats make a significant footprint in their construction. I’ll be speaking with the Transpac Commodore later today. I wonder if the racing community recognizes boats that integrate lower energy and less toxic construction techniques and materials? Could boats with dacron sails get a starting advantage over those with mylar sails?

There’s plenty of other holes besides how I get to Hawaii. As a recovering consumer, I choose products that lean toward sustainability. Computers and cameras are a nessisary evil if one wants to make movies, chock full of petroleum, heavy metals and rare earths as they are. Apple products are well designed and built to last, so I’ve invited Steve Jobs and Apple execs to loan On Desire an additional Macbook Pro. There are plenty of other companies I’d enjoy reaching out to for loaners or corporate support, eg Tiffen for a Merlin Steadicam, Vibram for a wrap around pair of Five Fingers, Lectrosonics for watertight radio mics, Canon for a B camera Vixia. I think this differs from traditional product placement because these are products we are already using to meet On Desire’s objectives.

If a collaborator is in alignment with On Desire’s objectives and they are confident we can meet them, they’ll likely sign on. Everywhere I look I see holes, glorious holes!

From:       Dan Kelly
Subject:   Hey Steve!
Date:        June 16, 2009 7:36:07 PM EDT
To:            Steve Jobs, Apple Computer

Hey Steve,

Trust you are doing well. I haven’t been following your progress, have you looked into the Gerson Therapy? There’s a couple of documentaries out there that are intriguing. Please find a way to stick around awhile, you make the earth an more interesting place to live.

I am a filmmaker working on an environmental documentary around the Hawaiian Islands this summer. My collaborator Kai Schwarz needs a new computer, but he’s been busy trying to get our boat in order and hasn’t had much luck with craigslist on the big island. I need him posting his adventures to our project blog asap, so I thought I’d ask you directly. There doesn’t seem to be a official channel at Apple for this sort of request – we don’t work for a school or a non-profit, though we definitely want to share what we discover for the benefit of the planet.

Here’s the blog for our project… http://ondesire.com

In any case, if you have time this summer and feel like hanging with a couple of trouble makers, get in touch. We’ll be dreaming some big dreams aboard Desire and could always use another visionary in the mix.

Much love,

Dan Kelly
231 882-0460

I’m sending out screeners for ‘Almonds’ to film festivals this morning. You can watch the trailer here…

http://almondsmovie.com

The press package is also available as a pdf – the project’s back story. After reviewing the press package and checking in with Kai last night, I had another consumption insight.

Kai is still wrangling with the fuel system on the borrowed truck – it’s a big honking gas guzzler. “Here I am driving this monster truck trying to get ready for a project about small footprints.” He confessed to having some parts shipped Fedex – big jets blasting carbon across the sky so we can have our tiny whatzits. Me too – I left my backpack at Mike and Sarah’s house in Arizona and there’s the tent that Melanie torture tested and didn’t return until after I had left Brooklyn. Should I buy a new tent and backpack or have the old ones shipped? It’s tough to get away from consumption even when you really, really want to.

So another theme emerges – kicking the habit is not a cakewalk. Taking a page from AA, “Hi, my name is Dan and I am an addict.” The habit of consumption might be tougher to kick than booze or cigs, because consumption is everywhere, it’s insidious. So perhaps a smile and some slack as we make the transition from consumption to production. Compassion AND persistence are the winning combination.

I spent $50 today on 1 loaf of bread, 1 small bag cat food, 1 medium bag of carrots, 1 container of hummus, 1 small watermelon. Man, do I miss the Park Slope Food Coop, shopping in a standard grocery is hell. Not much choice and super expensive. So simplifying my food supply is a must not only to back away from consumption but also cause there’s no way to sustain life when it costs so much to eat. I’m glad I restocked the grain cache for months of happy sprouting.

Bringing it full circle…When folks get a consumption fix, they enable a global chain of causality – abundant raw materials, environmental injury, cheap labor, political repression, inexpensive goods, corporate hegemony, global transportation, sprawl. It’s all caused by an unhealthy habit. By embracing the products and services offered to us, we become the agents of cataclysm. Consumers are terrorists.

I have to work at my recovery every day, and count the days I’ve been free. Hello, my name is Dan Kelly, I am a consumer and a terrorist. Recovery is possible, we must train our inner terrorist.

Kai checked in yesterday. Since he had just been blown from San Diego to Tahiti aboard Babalu and then flown to the big island of Hawaii, I was surprised to hear him sounding sort of stressed. Having experienced the big island twice before with my incredible friends Willy and Marijke, I couldn’t imagine any reason to get stressed there. Something must be very wrong. After an update on the plethora of minor disasters and catastrophes that are the spice of any worthy project, he revealed the real reason for the stress. Kai had a PLAN.

Now – there’s nothing wrong with plans, I make them all the time. But trying to make a plan on the big island, especially a plan involving a rigid time component… oops. Don’t ask me to explain, it’s just better to hang loose and take it easy.

Anyway, Kai’s plan had 3 steps. 1) Put Desire back together, 2) sail her around with me and be sure she was ready for serious adventure and 3) sail her back to Seattle. The weather window for safe transit back to Seattle is mid July to the end of August. Immediately, anyone who’s paying attention will be able to spot a problem – he’s got a deadline! If he’s not ready by August, he can’t sail Desire back to Seattle.

Momma Pele’s been helping him to get his mind right with a few gentle reminders. The pickup truck graciously loaned to him by Steve Oliver has developed a fuel line problem, so he’s been blowing precious time sorting that out. Since the volcano’s been erupting a lot, there’s a constant haze of volcanic fog or vog – mostly sulfur dioxide. It’s hell on plastic and rubber. A plastic graduated cup he had stored on Desire was so degraded from exposure to vog that it shattered like glass. That means that all the plastic and rubber on Desire has to be checked and possibly replaced.

He’s also having trouble getting his hands on a computer. Kai has been trying to hook up with a guy selling a Macbook on craigs, but the guy is so laid back he’s hard to get a hold of… that’s Hawaii brah. My recommendation?  Da kine.

IMHO – you can’t be on the big island and act like you’re on the mainland. The laws of physics are not invariable throughout the universe.

Eventually we shifted the conversation to all the cool stuff waiting for us – Jerry Garcia’s diving buoys, the telescopes of Mauna Kea, the rusted wind farm, his buddy Curtis Collins carbon fiber racing boat… I told him about my attempt to crack the Transpac 2009 and he gave me some promising leads.

I think by the end of the conversation his deadline was a little less urgent. It’s going to take whatever time it takes to re-assemble Desire and get her blue water worthy. When that’s done the Seattle weather window will either be open or not. If not then plan B.

What begins to emerge is the demonstration.

Apparently we face big challenges on planet Earth. There are some who claim we’ve passed the point of no return for global climate change. If that’s true then only miracles matter. I don’t have formal training in the sciences but I’ve had some success with miracles. Pardon the repetition – On Desire could be a demonstration of practical magic. I’ve already demonstrated a buyer for my Odyssey and a subletter for the Brooklyn crib. Now I’ve got to manifest a boat to Hawaii soonish – that’s the demo du jour.

If there are a limited number of boats going to Hawaii in the next couple of weeks then I’ve got to get on one. Maybe the boat that I am going to be has yet to exist. Emails and phone calls are a way of focusing and clarifying my creative power. By writing to folks and making inquiries I keep telling the universe, this is what I want. Make it so.

This morning I enjoyed a happy jolt. An email from my new best friend Gord put the Transpac 2009 race (LA – HI) on my radar. Why hadn’t I found it on google two days ago when I searched for ‘transpac’ after stumbling onto the 2008 singlehanded Transpac? Well, things just have to form in their own time… but they are happening. That’s the rub – I have no idea how I am getting to Hawaii but I feel that I will get there. Today I woke up with one more option than I had yesterday, the Transpac 2009. Tomorrow is another day for the universe to do it’s thing. It feels like it’s happening, like a boat to Hawaii is inevitable.

These demonstrations are the proof of concept for truly outrageous miracles. The act of pulling our collective ass out of the fire will likely coincide with an enhanced understanding of human possibilities. We’ll have to learn how to be much more than we currently imagine ourselves to be. By performing the chain of small miracles that enable On Desire, I am training for the really epic manifestations and writing a poetic owners manual for the planet. On Desire could be the story about how I finally decided to take responsibility for being fully human.

This guys been reading too much science fiction, eh? Extrapolation from current circumstances shades into new circumstances. If ideas are templates for realization, then science fiction writers are the architects of the now. There is no such thing as science fiction because it all eventually happens. Science fiction is future history.

I’ve been active on the online sailing communities looking for a ride from *anywhere* on the west coast of the North American continent to Hawaii. I’m preparing my pitch to the container ship companies for Monday. I also decided to take a closer look at the numbers on jet travel. Here’s some figures snatched at random from the WWW.

B747-400 fuel burn LHR-JFK 65,000 Kgs / 17,800 gallons

The flight from London Heathrow Airport to New York John Fitzgerald Kennedy Airport is 3452 miles. That puts the 747 at around 5 mpg, which is also posted on Boeing’s 747 ‘fun facts’ page.

Boeing 747

• mpg = 5
• passengers = 400-450
• cost = US$228-260 million (2007)

Boeing 747 LHR-JFK flight

• 17,800 gallons / 400 passengers = 44 gals/passenger.
• 3,452 miles / 44 gallons = 78 mpg (per passenger)
• $400/ticket (purchased in advance) x 400 tickets = $160,000/gross profit per flight
• Total cost of 747 ($228,000,000) / gross profit per flight ($160,000) = 1,425 flights
• Since my gross profit doesn’t include any costs (eg fuel, salaries, insurance, maintenance, financing etc.) the number of flights between LHR and JFK needed to break even is much higher. Let’s say 2,500 flights just for fun.
• 2,500 x 17,800 gallons = 44,500,000 gallons of fuel that must be burned to break even on the cost of the plane.

According to www.fueleconomy.gov burning a gallon of gasoline produces 20 lbs of carbon. It’s likely different for jet fuel, but anyway…

17,800 gallons x 20 lbs = 356,000 lbs of carbon / 400 people  = 890 pounds of carbon per person for a flight from LHR to JFK.

That’s 5 times my body weight in carbon. So what? I’ll plant 40 saplings at 20 pounds each for my offset – but wait! Passengers are also responsible for a portion of the carbon cost of the plane and it’s lifelong operation – because airlines wouldn’t buy airplanes if they couldn’t break even on their costs. So it’s not just about that one plane ride but each passenger’s share of the airplane’s entire existence and operation.

44,500,000 gallons x 20 lbs of carbon = 890,000,000 lbs of carbon produced to break even on the cost of the plane. That doesn’t include the carbon cost of mining the raw materials and manufacturing the plane. Rather than buy a 747 for 228 million in 2007, let’s say I spend my money on 408 million gallons of jet fuel at $1.79/gallon (priced today at The International Air Transport Association) and burn it. That’s another 8,162,400,000 lbs of carbon. Depending on all the details of manufacture, the plane’s carbon cost might have been much more or less than 9 billion pounds.  Whatever, let’s say 2 billion.

2 billion pounds divided by 2500 flights = 800,000 pounds / flight. 800,000 pounds /400 passengers = 2,000 pounds / passenger. Every flight of 3500 miles means 2,000 pounds of carbon per passenger or .5 pounds of carbon/mile. California to Hawaii is about 2500 miles so that would be 1250 pounds – if I flew.

Today I am assembling the away kit and cleaning the house. I thought I’d update along the way…

In it’s function as a staging area and way station, the Artist house needs regular maintenance. Today I replenished the grain and legume cache.

Some supplies in the cache are over 10 years old, which is the beauty of whole grains and legumes – they keep indefinitely. In the process of cleaning the buckets I encountered some 1998 labels written by my then wife. Our 11 year anniversary is this month. Don’t know where you are Terri, but sending you love today.

After a bit of tai chi and yoga, I vacuumed the main room and set up the tent that I had loaned to the perky Melanie Chopko. She had taken it on two adventures, South America and upstate New York. Upon inspection I found a pile of leaves and dirt, bug guts smeared on the netting and the rain fly damp and musty. She might have set it up near a campfire as there’s an ash hole in the net. Shucks. Now I don’t feel so bad about the pasta sauce I spilled in her NVC book.

The tents in the wash and I am working on traveling clothes. The standard ensemble – black cargo pants, merino wool tops and bottoms, wind shell. I might not need the merino in Hawaii unless I climb Mauna Loa, but there’s still the getting there – across the continental US with it’s high plains and rockies. The camping kits is minimal, just enough to be comfortable outside overnight. It’s all about the weight, I’d like to have no more than 50lbs to carry, if that. Camera kits is already weighing in at ~22lbs and the rest of the gear is ~ 25lbs. That’s before water and food.

Further tweaking is required.

I laze. It’s spring at the artist house, lovely. One might conjecture a very slow tourist season hereabouts, what with the end of capitalism and all. Sigh! What a time to be thousands of miles away. A cat eating mackerel in the late afternoon glow.  A silver lake sparkling. Shrug aside the to do list and the clamoring social appointments. Recline in the rocking chair with a laptop to tap on. Bliss. I turned down a tribal sauna for this moment, so you know it’s pretty special.

Life as a practice, cultivating moments of utter rapture while living in agreement with earth. This is both my lifestyle and quest. It’s the basis for creating without instrumentality and for healing. It’s sweet.

I’ve got a friend who denies that anyone can live in agreement with earth. According to her/him, all the people who might have been capable of living in agreement were wiped out by us, the modern people. Any attempt at balance is futile for we ourselves are out of balance and totally crazed. It’s the old ‘people are a planetary cancer’ schtick. She/he’s not a bad sort, just murky. Some smart people don’t know how to settle the silt – always making with the spoon, stirring up their guts.

If I am addicted to anger, I might get a fix by ranting against the hypocrisy of green tinted consumption. If I’m addicted to disconnection, I might declare myself to be lone member of an elite environmental vanguard, ready and willing to slam everyone who doesn’t conform to my ideas. Righteous arrogance doesn’t promote stewardship any better than sleeping in front of a TV does. It drains away alliances. It makes folks sick. It’s boring.

Hard truths rock, don’t get me wrong. I want to reveal my insidious assumptions, identify the buggy lines of code. What am I ignoring? I appreciate uncomfortable insight from cantankerous curmudgeons. To awaken the world, we must unbundle the personal horror show.

I used to think that anger was a response to forces and events outside myself, but I’ve discovered that anger is always my responsibility. This recognition transmutes rage into productive energy and eventually anger becomes less prominent in the palette of emotions. Although my friend can be a pain in the ass, I know about her/his struggle. I don’t expect her/his journey to parallel mine, I just imagine her/him finding the center someday, cutting herself/himself some slack. Perhaps she/he feels that humans are incapable of balance because that’s her/his personal experience. It doesn’t have to be so forever.

Ah, to be less of an informer and more of a demonstrator. I want to demonstrate pragmatic practice for getting us all where we want to go – environmental sustainability, social justice and, (taking a cue from the Pachamama Alliance), spiritual fulfillment.

Anyway it’s time to make dinner and revisist the to do list. 10 more days before I am late for the boat!

From:     DAN
Subject:     Re: Kona next week
Date:     June 8, 2009 9:38:11 AM EDT
To:     KAI

Hey Cap’n,

Still in Michigan waiting for a few final components of the kit to arrive. In the meantime, I am tying up loose ends – clarifying the web sites, submitting Almonds to festivals and sorting out the boxes from the Brooklyn move. June 8th today, 13 days to get to Hawaii by the 21st. Assuming you are on the big island now. How’s Desire?

Thanks re: ‘On Desire’, I’ve been trying to do something on the blog daily, mostly editing some of the more blathery posts before writing more. Enjoying putting it all together.

Love to see current pictures of Desire and in progress. Looking forward to getting there asap.

Still no idea how to get from California to Hawaii. Got a couple of plans tho – Matson and Horizon don’t take passengers so I am going to propose involving them in the project – documenting their environmentally friendly operations in the 8 seas. Would be a great angle and experience. Same approach could be taken with cruise lines maybe. This might be too late to arrange coming to Hawaii but maybe not going back.

Meanwhile posting on sailing crew sites. I’ve tried craigslist too, can you recommend marinas locations in SF, LA or San Diego that might serve longer haul sailers?

It’s raining heavy here, beautiful.

blessings and bliss!

D

From:     KAI
Subject:     Re: Kona next week
Date:     June 5, 2009 7:37:02 PM EDT
To:    DAN

Hey Dano,

The site looks great! I love that you used one of my favorite pictures. It’s actually of another boat that I was buddy boating with from Neah Bay Washington to Portland OR. We had left early in the morning and I helped lead him through the fog and early darkness with my radar/GPS. When the sun came up the water/lighting was so cool I had to take that pic. Shortly afterward he turned towards Portland I dialed in my sails with a fresh morning breeze and headed farther South.

Anyway, Bon Voyagee on your travels and let me know how things progress. Have you figured out a way to get to Hawaii from the mainland?

Cheers! and fair winds, ~Kai

It’s actually July 9, 2009 and I just now found this poem from Kari Tomashik for On Desire.

From:     Kari
Subject:     RE: On Desire
Date:     June 3, 2009 8:02:42 PM GMT-04:00
To:    Dan
Cc:    Kari

p.s.
on desire……

deserving of a poem….

sail
to whom?
to what?
what from?
what to?
loneliness and video cams wrapped inside a cabin
two flowing to one island
your pants may get too tight or too loose
but remember they are your pants
and if you can’t remember that
just throw them overboard
and watch within
the water
where do they go?
what will they become?
remember everything can get thrown over
shit, you can even throw your self over
and then what will you become?

peace, love, artists in love,
Kari

An unproductive visit to the outhouse this morning as far as bowels were concerned, but the brain – oh the brain.

I receive $2000 a month in investment income. I invested in my family, in a weird juxtapostion of truth and reality. It turned out to be a disaster – my investment meant 40 years of feeling insecure and questioning my own ability, not really going after my dreams.

Six years ago I divested and initiated recovery. The universe then authorized compensation for those 40 years of squandered potential in the form of monthly cash payments. Access to the Artist house has to be included in the universal compensation, it’s worth about $8k a year in taxes, utilities and insurance. So my compensation is more nearly 32k.

With 32k of effective annual income, what am I doing with 25k in low interest credit card debt? It’s not decadence, fast women and gambling. 75% was spent on DOG and 25% was from loans made to friends in need. I also squandered a bit on collaborations that went no where, call that decadence or just plain hard knocks.

The plan is to evaporate the 25k while moving forward with my life’s work. I’ve liquidated most of my hard assets including car and bulky production gear. I sublet my apartment in Brooklyn for 4 months. After building a more portable kit and catching up on business expenses such as domain names, etc. I’ve got about $4000 in the bank, enough to go west and run the Desire Project. Meanwhile I am diverting my universal compensation to reduce debt. By the end of the summer I should have about 2k in the bank, be only 20k in the hole and have a bunch of world saving new footage in the can. Not only that, but Faisal should have some exciting new insights into DOG and Jonathan should be an After Effects guru. How much better can it get?

The whole reason for this transparency and full disclosure is the open source ethic. Let’s assume that On Desire, DOG or one of our other projects actually makes a big splash.  Blogs become maps, a trail of breadcrumbs so that someone else can repeat the process. That’s one of the reasons I include prices next to gear and resources. In a monetary society, the question of money is central. How much did it cost, where did they get the money? It feels a little odd dropping my financial pants for the whole world wide web, but it’s an essential part of the story – if an open source, transparent and knowledge sharing ethic is worth exploring. If there is a path to building a resource based society, open source might be it.

Credit scores as whuffie.

Recently, Advanta shut down all it’s credit card accounts. What does it mean when a huge credit card company just ceases operations? Remain calm.

One of the factors in credit scores is the ratio of debt to credit limit.  If I can borrow 10k and I do borrow 5k, that’s a debt to credit ratio of 50%. Decent credit scores are possible when the debt to credit ratio is less than 50%.

In 2008 I set a goal of having a 100k credit limit to enable creative options for financing projects and access to emergency finishing funds. As of early May, I had about 8 different credit cards with a combined limit of about 40k… and about 25k in debt – a 65% debt to credit ratio. By continuing to liquidate gear I could taste a debt to credit ratio of 50%, joy! Once under that mark I was planning to swing some modest limit increases and thus boost my theoretical buying power to about 45k, nearly halfway to the 100k goal. When my Advanta card died last week I instantly lost 10k of credit limit. My debt to credit ratio jumped to nearly 90% – screwed!

These specific details may be trivia in terms of our trail of breadcrumbs, but in contemplating demonic credit scores we discover the precursor to whoofie, as in ‘Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom‘ by Cory Doctorow. Whuffie is basically reputation maintained in virtuality. If you do cool stuff that people benefit from your whoofie gets higher. Credit scores also inhabit the data domain and rise and fall based on how much you save and borrow. Whuffie is an extension of word of mouth and recommendations by peers, which brings to mind sites like linkedin.com. Could whuffie actually manifest? Would it be a pillar of resource society?

You can download Cory’s stories at craphound.com without commercial interruption, for my money that’s the same as saying they are free. There’s that open source thing again, knowledge sharing, the resource based society. I’m working with resources on the web like democracy now and the internet archive in my quest to make movies and promote self education. On Desire aspires to be a resource too, in a week or two movies will be begin to appear and perhaps dominate the content. With luck they will be entertaining and edifying.

Here’s a scenario. Perhaps the monetary paradigm IS crumbling, perhaps defining human value in terms of debt and credit is becoming passe. What comes to the fore is an appreciation for contribution. The thank you world. When we see who is doing what and appreciate them, set them up. How does that work? I have no idea, but I like the idea of getting started and seeing what happens.

to do

send Pete O’Connell some money!

After 5 days of screen gazing I have achieved blog launch. About 75 souls in the first wave. Assuming there’s no major hitches in the next day or two, we’ll do the next 500 or so on the big list. In the meantime I finally have some time to do dishes and pack. Maybe I’ll move my beautiful body, which has been mostly supine, reclined or prone. Flesh, awaken!

We should be hearing from Kai any day now, his flight to Hilo is scheduled for June 3 – tomorrow. Phase 2 ‘to Desire’  documents Kai and Dan moving toward rendezvous.

I’ve been blogging my ass off the past 4 days, prepping everything for the launch. It’s already June and I’ve got to get the heck out of here if I plan on being in Hawaii in 3 weeks without using jets. First tho, the blogs have to be done.

I’ve learned about the difference between categories and tags in WordPress, revamping the DOG blog (holy boners) in the process. I think HB is ready, and now I am scanning On Desire to see what’s left to do.

I was using categories like tags and wondering what my paradigm for categories could be – I am less than juiced about how I am using them on Holy Boners. As I opened On Desire and realized I had to revise those categories too, I suddenly flashed on what categories could be. They are the ideas and primary objectives of the project. By laying out categories, I am creating a blueprint for the project. Categories are a way of defining where the project is supposed to go and what it’s supposed to be about. That’s cool.

First pass at categories – out of hand

This illustrates how my ’1st pass’ at categories for On Desire could easily get out of hand. There could be hundreds of details like places and names – they are better implemented as tags. Categories are reserved for the key concepts and principles that belong to the project, what we want to advance our understanding of and engage with. The major themes – now and as the project unfolds.

When I revised Holy Boners I tagged all the posts and created a tag cloud. The more often a tag is used the bigger the font, it’s an easy way to see the ‘big ideas’. I can tag On Desire with details AND with big ideas, then those biggest fonts will suggest categories.

Tag cloud from Holy Boners

Beulah, Michigan

In December of last year I heard from Kai, captain of the 26′ Sloop Desire. He was planning to set her up for future adventures starting with a shakedown cruise in the Hawaiian Islands, and did I want to join him? He and I had discussed documenting his solo voyages, mounting cameras that he could trigger remotely. Here was something else entirely, an invitation to join his church. To taste the other he had discovered, to try my hand at being a shipmate. A high honor of course and the start of an answer to a shared question – what do we do for earth?

Kai is an inspiration to my aspirations of being a visionary and a troublemaker. He guided his brother Dirk and I on an expedition to climb the Manhattan bridge in the 80s. When visiting Dirk in DC, I was gored by Kai’s sublime sharpened pencil sculpture not a few times. Kai’s Metamorphosis design explored the mechanics of getting off planet sans military industrial complex. His later voyages on Desire seemed to me less of an acceptance to life in the gravity well and more like a proof of concept for citizen space travel.

Kai’s invitation reflects my own awakening – fun is amplified when shared with a team. Along with solo sailing Kai has crewed and consulted for other mariners and now he wonders about a crew of his own – what would that look like? I am perhaps the first recruit.

There’s more about our collaboration at http://ondesire.com, but in context of holy boners (sacred mistakes) I think this ranks right up there. Suddenly Desire blips onto the radar – a fantastic gift and opportunity. It certainly fits into Dan’s master plan, but how?

In the context of DOG, I was determined not to spend another summer staring at screens – a clear failure of prioritization. I can’t say I was burning out in January, but the amount of work needed to bring DOG up to an acceptable level of quality seemed endless. A true team was wanted. It’s not impossible to post a VFX short by yourself, but why go solo when there are so many allies?

Here’s how Faisal tricked me into collaborating… I showed him a couple cuts of DOG and he ripped me a new butthole, so to speak. His critique undermined my will to live. Now he can be a critical guy especially when it comes to his own work, but he’s not a total curmudgeon. Looking beyond all of DOG’s problems, Faisal said I had created a cockeyed world that was intriguing, a surreal universe that persisted. So it wasn’t all a steaming pile of shite! After a week or two of letting me writhe on the end of his spear, he offered to workshop the project. Paraphrase – “Give me all the raw footage and I’ll tease out that David Lynch thing you’ve almost got going.” Well, momma didn’t raise no fool. When a stellar editor like Faisal offers to save your movie, you pass him a brimming 2 TB hard drive, ahora mismo.

So the post team currently is Faisal, me and Jonathan. It’s gotta grow a little bigger, at the minimum we’ll have to bring on more After Effects geeks. How many times have I projected a finish date for DOG? Perhaps after all this blogging I have a realistic idea of what finishing actually means, what it’s going to require. Faisal will work his magic over the summer and then we’ll build a robust team in the fall.